*This post was originally written in 2016
Dating apps like Tinder and Happn are successful at least partly due to the on-demand economy and the American mindset that tells us most answers to our problem are in our finger tips. I have not used Happn yet but I will refrain from making jokes about the uselessness of yet, another dating app since I have used Tinder more than once and I no longer think that I am better than it. Algorithm and coding make my options plentiful and swiping left or right to let the App find my matches, gets rid of the burden (and admittedly, the excitement) of having to figure out if a feeling is mutual.
We mentally swipe left or right in real life all the time and even though some of us prefer the old-school way of meeting possible lovers, the truth is that dating friends or coworkers can have uncomfortable repercussions. Statistically speaking, the odds of finding a desirable prospect while standing in line at a book store are fewer than finding them through computer programming. I think about the on-demand economy and how we let strangers into our home and our cars but how about letting strangers into our hearts? This society is prompted by the “ask and you shall receive” mindset, a mindset that tells us we are worthy or whatever we want, a great job or a great boyfriend alike. This value comes with an entitlement, a responsibility and an expectation of success. Thinking of that, I recognize that a tinder match is as efficient and convenient as the Uber ride showing up with the push of a button. So, why not? I open an app on my phone and find a sea of people wanting to mingle but as I sit at a bar on my own, nothing happens. I don't approach any strangers to tell them I like them and nobody approaches me. Clearly, something is getting lost between my finger tips, the screen and the empty chair in front of me. Asking someone out in person today is as dated as hailing a yellow cab in San Francisco.
Technology allows us to think that we can open doors of opportunity to strangers from behind the safely locked doors of our routine. We start and maintain relationships across the country or from opposite sides of the world while we question the need for face to face interactions with our coworkers and our neighbors. Love that is curated by computers gives us the assurance that there are plenty of virtual fish waiting, wanting and wishing for the same things we do but isn't real vulnerability necessary for making a real connection? Should we dare suffer the lows of rejection, heartbreak and awkwardness in order to experience the spark, the glow and the rewards of love? For some of us, the convenience of company generated by technology translates into not knowing how to pursue and sustain flesh and blood exchanges because in real-life, left swipes come with a real snarky look and long-term relationships don’t camouflage mundane conversations with xxx’s and ooo’s.
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